JB would probably argue I lost my marbles years ago. Although when we argue about who is more mental, I usually win by reminding him that he’s worse because he chose to marry me!

See, I have lost my train of thought already. That’s what sleep deprivation does to you. They don’t prepare you for this in antenatal classes. Mind you, in my day – Lordie! That saying makes me feel really old, but then I discovered a streak of grey hair this morning (I look like a mad red headed Cruella De Ville, so that probably fits. I will have false teeth and hearing aids next).

Where was I, (see memory is going now too, oh no!) - When I did the antenatal classes they didn’t tell you about sleep deprivation, or teach you to put a nappy on for that matter. Maybe this has changed now? I don’t know. My youngest is 4 years old and I didn’t bother with the classes after my second baby.

I could therefore argue that the grey hair comes from sleep deprivation and not age, but I am a mature (though some would argue immature) mum. The first time I put a nappy on my newborn, I wasn’t sure if I had put it on back to front, or whether it was too tight. I knew it wasn’t loose cos I’d done the pick up and wiggle test and it had stayed on. I try the same thing on me with my granny pants these days, but I can’t have lost enough weight as they are still stuck firmly on my butt cheeks!

I thought those early weeks of sleepless nights with my baby would soon pass but 10 years later and I can count the number of full nights I have had on two hands and a foot! I remember though the few occasions when my child has slept peacefully that I have fretted over them, in case they were sick, and blown in their faces to check they were still alive, which usually resulted in waking them up. Note to self – don’t do this after a curry!
My kids have never been good sleepers. Possibly because I used to cuddle them until they had drifted off. Many times I then fell asleep too, though how my babies slept through my horrendous snoring I will never know.

We have the bedtime battlefield in our house now, especially since JB and I stopped the cuddle to sleep routine. It has been incredibly hard going, with every excuse used under the sun by the children to come downstairs. I hate being strict. It tears me apart but I also realise that JB and I need adult time. It’s not been good for my waistline though, as the stress has made me turn to the gin bottle – well I needed an excuse!

My mum would probably say that it is payback, as I used to be a staircase creeper. I’ve told my kids I’m not stupid, I know all the tricks. I used to use them and there is definitely no monster under the bed, but there is one in the lounge after 9pm, so there is definitely a cut off time now.

But have I lost my marbles?  Possibly, or the kids may have booby trapped the stairs with them.  I’m expecting a nerf gun assault at any minute, so anything is possible!

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